through the sleepless night.

5.18am

took me threehours to finish this post.

pictures are unrelated to the words; i mean they arent the captions.

its purely for viewing pleasure.

and also because I dont want this post to turn out to be like some emo post, okehh?

& a few updates and old school pictures.

♥

Scrolled through recent pictures I just uploaded up to the lappie.

I couldnt stop smilling as I was going through each and everyone of them.

New memories that happened and might also blossom into someting in the future.

sometimes I would wonder, how things will turn out to be.

Sometimes life feels like a rollercoaster, with the occasional ups and downs. Missing pieces on a jigsaw puzzle, waiting to be filled in. 

One minute you feel like your flying on cloudnine, the next you could be drowning in the deepest darkest oceans. 

But in the end of the day, you will soon come to realize that life is what you yourself make out of it. No one is able to guide you from A- Z ; there is no rule book for living life. Just clues.

If things were to be made easier, we humans will never be able to explore our full potential.

& emotions.

Emotions, the strongest, most powerful things we humans learn how to deal with.

The feelings that plays a major role on how to deal with something.

I can honestly say that, I suck with my emotions.

I do not know how to deal with them, face them, fix them.

I often get confused between my emotions.

I screwed up decisions cause of my mix emotions.

I'm glad that when I look back at the past, I never regret anything I've done.

Mistakes or not, I still never regretted. 

But I can still smile and tell myself I got through.

I'm thankful to say that i'm lucky i'm still here today and with all that has happened, I managed to move away from the past and stay away from the negative side of life. I'm lucky to say that i'm not a murderer, drug addict, etc. 

I'm lucky to lead a life filled with love and care from people around me, people who might not be there physically but you know you can always count on them.

Sometimes I might seem ignorant but deep down I do care, I care & worry the most for people in my inner circle. You mean alot to me.

All the times we spent doing the silliest bimboest things; all this small tineewiniee things that I sometimes day dream of. Yes it matters to me. 

It puts a smile on my face whenever I think about you guys.

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that you were less important to me than certain things.

This could be because, at times I'm going through a lot.

& you'll never know.

Cause i'm not the type of person which could easily open up and share how I feel.

I was brought up to be tough and strong and to never let anyone know how I feel deep down inside.

Please dont judge my actions over what I say, sometimes people make mistakes.

I know that I might not be the typical girl you asked for.

but i'm special in my own ways.

You know I tend to over think , and that only makes things worst.

and it is unfair to put you in tht position, cause you know nothing of how i'm like or how someone with depression/bipolar is. 

I'll admit, I can be manic depressive at times. 

Its not something I chose or can control of. It just happened, I had a lot to deal with when I was in highschool, the worst part was I didnt know how to deal with things back then. 

Trust me, I live living life to the fullest.

I love smiling and laughing without reasons, or more like for reasons you just wont get.

; cause I can find the simplest cutest things you do so adorable.

I know that everyone has their own needs and priorities.

so do you.

I'm just so afraid of being put through the same situation over and over again.

Its like waking up from a nightmare over another nightmare, like a bad dream you can never get out of. 

I still have doubts about things, but like we said ; time will tell.

& everytime spent with you I truly appreciated and wouldnt change anything even if I could.

You take the ordinary me to travel the road of wonders.

I know for a fact that it isnt temporary; it is something im very sure I wouldnt mind having in my life.

You're the risk i'm willing to take, the leap of faith I wont hesitate to make. 

♥

goodnight world, xx.